Praise and Criticism

How to Give Effective Criticism

1. When correcting your daughter, begin and end with something positive. Your swing looks great. If you can focus on keeping your eye on the ball then you will be hitting homers in no time. Good Job!
2. Don't ramble off the first thing that pops into your head. Take a moment to think twice. Say the question or statement to yourself and think of how your daughter will react. Is this the time and place for the discussion?
3. Be specific with your explanation. Demonstrate the solution if you can. Instead of saying, "You've GOT to follow through" 500 times, try something like this: "Your arm speed has slowed down so your arm is behind your body. This is messing up your timing and you have to fling your arm around your hip to catch up. That's why you're not following through." Your daughter isn't doing something wrong just to get on your nerves. Most likely she really wants to do it right. She just may not know how.
4. Be sure to recognize efforts to improve. When your daughter listens and makes a correction make a big deal out of it. Tell her she did a great job and that is exactly what you are looking for. If you ignore her efforts and only point out her mistakes she will only be discouraged.
5. Don't use the word 'but'. It doesn't matter what you say before it, once the 'but' comes out, everything before it is negated. Has anyone ever told you, "I really like you, but?" You know that a break-up is coming and the "I really like you" part just isn't good enough. When you hear yourself start to say, "You did great, but..." just stop at great!
6. Show the benefits of changing the behavior you want changed. Tell your pitcher that if her form is correct then she will pitch more strikes. Then she won't have to pitch as many pitches in the summer heat. Or use a radar gun and tell her the speed of her pitch when her form is correct versus incorrect. Give evidence that doing better has benefits.
7. Let your daughter tell you what she needs to work on. Try to avoid telling her what she should have done. This invites her to start making excuses for why she did it wrong. Explain to her what result you are seeking and ask her how she thinks she can accomplish it. After a game you can ask her what she thinks she did well and what areas she thinks she could improve on. When she recognizes a problem she will take ownership in it and not feel like it's something mom or dad is making her do. Be careful not to shoot her down when she opens up. Acknowledge her opinion and help her.
8. Show understanding for negative behavior, but do not accept it. This is great when excuses start popping up. When your daughter is complaining about being hot and tired, offer a reward for buckling down and getting the job done. Tell her you understand how hot it is and if she finished her practice without complaining you will stop for a treat on the way home. Emphasize that hard work is what gets rewarded. If you let her stop when she whines or complains then you are rewarding that behavior. Next practice she'll complain sooner and it will only get worse.
9. Don't give in! If your practice session turns into a battle and your daughter doesn't want to practice, packing up and leaving is only reinforcing the tantrum. Often these tantrums are a result of poor performance. A little encouragement could be all it takes to get her in the right frame of mind. Point out something she has done well in the practice and work on that for a while. Work on a pitch or a play that she has fun with. You can make a compromise, but don't give in completely.
10. Know when to stop. If you feel like you are talking to a wall then you probably are. Back off and let it go. If a problem persists then you can revisit it at that time when the message will be more well-received.